Exodus

We'll be out of town for two weeks- leaving tomorrow! (Insert profanity laced inner monologue freak out- not packed yet) But we'll be able to post again starting on 10/8/08.

Also we may be gone for 3 weeks if my need for a vodka screwdriver and an illicit Marlboro Light compel me to stay for my 10 year High School Reunion. I'll expand on the pros and cons of this once I'm packed.

Also Also I've begun losing my hair, greeeaaaaaatttt.

So you had a photo shoot...

Blog Reax

Me: Hey honey, did you read my post about the bunnies.
Kris: Yup.
Me: Did you think it was funny?
Kris: Yup.
Me: Which part?
Kris: I don't know- it was funny. Meatloaf was a bit over the top though.
Me: It always is.

More like staples and screws.

I bought this table and chairs off of craigslist like 3 years ago, and I've been meaning to recover the seats ever since. The set came with 5 chairs, which was always awkward, so I moved one of the chairs upstairs to be a desk chair. And I had a slightly too large toile slip cover on it. Well one night, I cut Kris' hair outside and we left one of the kitchen chairs out there. And the dew wreaked havoc on the varnish, (but it's not even good wood to start with) So for 6 months we've only had 3 Kitchen chairs. Sorry- this is a lot of info to tell you that I sanded down the one chair and painted it black, and recovered the seat to match my bed linens. Kris bought me a super staple/nail gun and he said if he bought it I HAD to recover the other chairs. Fine, twist my arm. I ordered polka dot fabric and it came in yesterday! SO here are the results!

BEFORE

AFTER(s)

New Desk Chair

New Kitchen Chair

Kitchen Table-

(nice melons, right?)

No pictures, you're welcome

So last night was a beautiful night. The humidity has finally broken and we were able to open the windows for the first time since May. So we did. And we had a fantastic 99% fat free dinner, I made a lovely marinade for the chicken, and divine cucumber, tomato and feta (1%) salad. (No carbs, one of us is a carbohydrate addict) We sat in the grass and played with the baby while the chicken was on the grill. Brody played with his girlfriend Alexis (next door neighbor dog). Nice soft breezes, freshly cut grass smell, gorgeous sunset.
Obviously the perfect setting for a horror movie.
You know it's coming, the wind shifts, the dog sniffs the air suspiciously, we look about suddenly nervous.
Well no, it didn't happen exactly like that. Instead we went in, ate dinner, watched Bones, watched the President's speech. I washed and made bottles. While I'm at the sink I'm looking out the window and the dog has got something flopping in his mouth. At first I think it's his rope toy, but then I decide it's a piece of sod. That's not possible, the sod has been down for 2 years, it's not coming up anywhere, this is obviously my mind denying reality.
Brody has an animal in his mouth.
I call for Kris to come quick. Quick!
It's a baby bunny rabbit. And it is sadly deceased. And worse it's still firmly held between Brody's jaws. Kris tells him to drop it. Drop it. Drop it. Drop it. BRODY. Drop it. DROP IT.
Nothing.
So I go get some Puperoni, And I try to give him one big stick. He manages to take it while still holding the bunny. I nearly die. So i start breaking the rest into little pieces and throwing them at him from inside the house where I retreated only to crack the patio door the tiniest bit. Well he drops the bunny and Kris handles clean up. I praise Brody, because I feel bad that we took his prize and he was only doing what terrier dogs do. Kris was appalled, he said that Brody would just kill more bunnies and I was only enabling his murderous ways. I argued that certainly the Mama Bunny would move her nest.
Of course you know who was right.
Kris left 15 minutes before we got up and let Brody out, by the time we came downstairs he had another bunny in his mouth. Horrified, I gave the baby his bottle, thinking I could leave the dog out until Kris came home for lunch. Well when we were done with the bottle Brody was romping around the yard sans victime so I let him in. He ran over to the pantry door and sat down. I scooped out his food and I turned around... and a rabbit head fell out of Brody's mouth and onto the floor.
Screaming. SCREAMING. SCREEEEEEAAAAAAAMMMMMMING.
I had the presence of mind to toss the food into his bowl to distract him and I grabbed the baby and ran. It was like a scene from Not Without My Daughter. Suddenly Meatloaf's Bat Out of Hell begins playing.

The sirens are screaming and the fires are howling
Way down in the valley tonight
Theres a man in the shadows with a gun in his eye
And a blade shining oh so bright
There's evil in the air and there's thunder in the sky
And a killer's on the bloodshot streets
And down in the tunnel where the deadly are rising
Oh I swear I saw a young boy
Down in the gutter
He was starting to foam in the heat

I'm flying through the house. Grab baby, grab, paci, grab burp cloth, running, running faster, up the stairs.

Like a bat out of hell
Ill be gone when the morning comes
When the night is over
Like a bat out of hell Ill be gone gone gone
Like a bat out of hell Ill be gone when the morning comes
When the day is done
And the sun goes down
And the moonlight's shining through
Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven
Ill come crawling on back to you

Close the nursery door. Close the guest bedroom door. Slam my own bedroom door. Prepare to shelter in place. Pant. Look at Ben who is unbothered.

Oh baby youre the only thing in this whole world
Thats pure and good and right
And wherever you are and wherever you go
Theres always gonna be some light
But I gotta get out I gotta break it out now
Before the final crack of dawn
So we gotta make the most of our one night together
When its over you know
Well both be so alone

I put the baby in the pack and play, crawl over the bed to get the phone off of Kris' nightstand. Call Kris, hysterical, unable to speak... repeat "rabbit head" over and over. Finally, Kris gets it and says, very reasonably. "Shall I come home now or would you rather stay up there until I get home for lunch?" "COME HOME! I can hear him wandering around up here! I think I saw the doorknob turning!!!" I was ready to evacuate into the closet if necessary.
So Kris came home, I heard him rumbling around downstairs, I thought I heard him come up here and then I heard him outside. By this time I've moved Ben to his vibrations chair and I'm blogging. After an eternity Kris comes upstairs and opens the door, "The coast is clear. Do you know where he left the head?" "No" Kris points to his feet, "Right here, outside the door."
If I didn't know better I'd think he's trying to send me a message. But I know better, we got this dog in Macon, Georgia. Despite the fact that he's covered in hair, and loves garlic, it's safe to assume he's not Italian. So where is he learning these Corleone New York family tricks? Message to nature: Mama Bunny move your rabbit hole! Please. Seriously. Please. I'll pay you in carrots and alfalfa sprouts. I'm good for it. Just don't ask Brody because he's acting like I put 4 points on the Patriots this past Sunday and he came to collect twice and I gave him some lame excuse about my mother being in the hospital, and I was badly in need of a warning. But Mama Bunny, you can't trust him. So run! Hide your babies! And I'll make good with you once I find a way to settle with Brody.

More pictures

Here are some randoms, I was waiting to post the ones of Ken and Nicole because I have a hilarious video of Ben beating his Uncle Ken in the face, but it's too big, I need to compress it or something but here are some pics in the meantime.

Don't get your hopes up too much kid, there's a curse.

Ready for his first dip in the pool- he is less than enthused.

Kris loves the Pool Rules, he laughs at them every single time- No. 12 is his favorite.

Let's talk about the election...

I'm over that frog, lady

Me: You shouled see my hair it's really long!

Sissy: How would I know? All I ever see is your arm.

I guess this picture still doesn't show my hair but at least it's not my arm.

Emergency Preparedness 101

So, seriously. I just got a package delivered from Fed Ex and my dad has sent me a full load of emergency preparedness crazy. (Background: the conspiracy theory believeing /tendency for slightly perceptible mental instability runs on the paternal side of my family.) If it weren't for the invoice (for an ungodly amount from Mountain Home Nutritionals) I would have believed that my dad sent me this from his personal stash / fallout shelter.
On my to do list was to prepare our hurricane flyaway kit (to fly away with because we are NEVER riding out a hurricane. "oh hell to the no!"- in it I have:
A case of bottled water
32 granola bars
a travel cat pan and scoop
cat food dishes
dog food dishes
1 week dry cat food in Ziploc bag
1 week dry dog food in Ziploc bag
Contact cases
Contact solutions
Copies of our vital records, insurance policies and car titles.
And thanks to my dad I can now add:
Self filtration water bottles
Clear 8 x 14 waterproof bag
Quick relief powder for cuts and lacerations
Emergency solar blankets
81 piece first aid kit (soft pack) (we kits in each car but good to have 2)
X-PAck Consumer Model water filtration kit
LED Weatherband radio (batteries not needed)
and a sidewinder portable cell phone charger.

So once I finish our home inventory I can get the right amount of flood insurance and we'll be set- for disaster. Disaster? Why, yes, it's my middle name.

Puja's dad goes to the RNC..

and becomes an internet celebrity!
There are all of these random videos on youtube of Puja's dad waving his terrible towel and giving mini-lectures on the history of GOP terrible towels to all kinds of bloggers/journalists- or well, basically anyone with a video camera. But I love it! (He's VERY funny in real life)



This WSEE story gives more on Mr. Khare- he even gives a Santorum shoutout.

The Return of the Crazy- Mommy Dearest

So I'm nuts. Let's just get that out of the way before we go any further. I know it, you know it, Bob Dole knows it.

Moving on.

I've been getting so much stuff done lately it's just amazing, I can't believe how much energy I have. I could probably scratch the paint off of the wall if I tried. But why would I try?

Instead, I'm still completing our home inventory (knowyourstuff.org), finished all the filing, and today I cleaned out my closet and put up my maternity clothes. WHICH WAS REALLY HARD. You have no idea just how comfortable maternity pants are (umm, unless you've been pregnant). I mainly wore gaucho pants throughout my pregnancy, but I also had capri pants that had the elastic panel, and I will tell you I have never loved any pants more. I probably could have gone on wearing them- I only had a net gain of 11 lbs during pregnancy- which is gone now plus some- woot!- but Kris suddenly was very concerned I might wear them indefinitely. Seriously- 2 weeks post partum he was asking when I was going to stop wearing maternity clothes. I gave myself until my 6 week check up. And I haven't worn them since, but I was keeping them close by. Until today, I reorganized my closet and said goodbye to my laissez faire waistband pants. For now.

WHICH LEADS US TO TODAY'S RECOGNITION OF PERSONAL INSANITY.

Today is really the day that I thought would never come. I have run out of wooden hangers.

This is no joke. It's the equivalent of reaching the end of the internet, or something. Backstory: In 2003, when I was working from home, I basically lost my damn mind- we've covered this.

Part of this was an obsessive buying of wooden hangers- from Walmart. For 5.88 you could have 20 beautiful dark wooden hangers. I don't know why they were so cheap, maybe 2003 was the year Brazilians began clear cutting rain forests to plant corn for ethanol, or what, I don't know but wooden hangers were dirt ass cheap. And I went to town. At first I bought 3 boxes and then 3 more. And then I couldn't stand the sight of my wooden hangers mixed in with plastic and wire hangers. So I bought more. I kept buying until all of Kris' and my clothes were on wooden hangers. And then I realized one day I'd buy more clothes and need more hangers, so more hangers I would buy. At one point, I had boxes upstairs and I had boxes in the basement next to the washer and dryer and instead of bringing hangers down, I'd just open a new box and put the laundry right on them. There was no stopping me. I was an addict. I would find excuses to go to Walmart, I'd hide my purchases under the bed, in the garage, or mixed in with the empty boxes. I had to have more hangers. I remember Cari and I going shopping and as we were leaving the house I'm pretty sure I saw Kris hiss at her, "no hangers!" And then, one day they were gone from Walmart. None left. I wasn't that upset, there was nothing I could do, and they were so much more expensive everywhere else, and they weren't as dark and weren't as shiny and I couldn't bring myself to buy them, so I just quit.

And we were fine- I had bought enough hangers to last us 5 years of shopping. Which brings us to today. No more, and I have no idea what I am going to do. I was so upset I had stop what I was doing and re-order Kris' polo shirts into Roy G. Biv precision. I went back and doubled up some pants and skirts. But I've purged all I can, so basically I can't buy any more clothes.

And the thing is, I'd rather have wooden hangers than new clothes.

Benslide of pics

Lounge Lizards

You know mom, this pacifier is pink...

Don't take it away!!!

Please give it back!

I really don't have a problem with pink.

More with the camera today, huh?

I secretly love it!

And I love you!

Hmm, what can I do in here?

Party in my crib y'all!

Mom, you're crashing the party.

Pins and Needles

I finally finished the Kameen's wedding present and they opened it last night, so I can show it to you now! It took forever because, well, because it just did.

Gasp! Double gasp!

Maureen had a wonderful birthday- really, you should read about it. But I totally forgot something major in her birthday tribute.
Maureen and I cannot stay mad at each other for 5 minutes. Maureen and I shared an office for a year and a half (with TP of course- press shop- woot!) and it was pretty small- like Kris thinks it was 8 x 12 max- and we had some big desks. So we lived in fairly close quarters for 20 months and inevitably we'd snap at each other or really piss the other one off, but no matter what, within 5 minutes we were starting up a new DJ battle or gossiping. About everyone- you. Just kidding. I am. REALLY.
But that's the best kind of friendship there really is, actually it's more like sisterhood.
(MR you got a two day shout out- am I the best or what?!)

Happy Birthday Maureen!

Happy Birthday lovey! I hope you have just the wildest craziest birthday you've ever had. Go nuts, lose your purse. Heck, lose your purse AND your camera.

You're the most meticulous, self controlled person I have ever known. And I mean that in a really good way. You count and control calories, work out, keep your desk perfectly neat, and use copious amounts of Purell, all of this makes you a really good person. As I've mentioned before Maureen is the type of friend who knows that you're about to stress eat from the bag of salt water taffy hidden in your desk 30 seconds before you know it and without looking away from her computer will tell you to "Leave it!" My favorite thing about Maureen is that I can tell her absolutely everything, and I mean everything. Like the worst darkest meanest things I've ever thought and she'll never make you feel bad for saying it out loud. Reassuring you that hell might not be so lonely. Just kidding, Molicious is not going to hell, she's and incredibly wonderful, giving person, who goes to mass in the middle of the workday even if she can't convince anyone to go along with her. And that says a lot -Maureen definetely likes to travel with company, why would you ever go to the caf alone? But I think that's telling about her, she loves her friends and we love her. She is also the best aunt in the world to her nieces and nephews- she's an inspiration to me. Happy Birthday Honey!

Addendums 2

I keep forgetting stuff.

Ben: your first month did feature one very strange personality reveal. While crying hysterically in the car while we were stuck in traffic- minor traffic, it's Savannah- you were instantly soothed by Reba McEntire's The Greatest Man I Never Knew. I thought it might be a fluke, but no, every time you cried I could play that song and you won't instantly settle down during the piano intro. You should know this tactic meant that one of us still wound up crying- just not you. That song is sad, yo.

Additionally, the only video of this song on youtube that doesn't feaure Kelly Clarkson, is a fan video for a show I've never seen-Supernatural- but I may be obsessed with it now.

ALSO- Ben has ridiculously expressive eyebrows- he can move them independently and in unison. It's a riot.

Randoms

Blog readers, I hope you realize the effort I had to go through proofing that last post- separating the yours and you'res, so if you find an error- curses on you for looking for errors. Cut a sister some slack.

There are good number of pictures of Kris wearing pajama pants lately, no he's not living the sweatpants lifestyle- he's still in recovery.

I went to Belk's today, they're having mega sales, the bottom of my receipt informed me:
"You saved $285 today."
HOLY CRAP.

I painted my nails while waiting at stop lights today- I have 7 unpainted fingernails right now.

Happy 2 Month Birthday Ben!

So, as you're probably beginning to realize your mom is a bit of a deadbeat. She never wrote out your 1 month birthday letter. But let me give you the gist of it, - TIME OUT- Ben you shoulder part of the blame here, while your arrival was certainly exciting, you didn't provide us with many accomplishments besides eating, sleeping and spectacular pooping. But umm, back to me and my deadbeatedness. I would have told you that we can't imagine our lives without you, you are hilarious, it was the longest and shortest month of our lives and we love you more and more every day. EVERY SINGLE DAY. So that's that.
Month 2 is a whole new story: this month you've learned to smile, coo and hold your head up on your own. Tummy time is still your least favorite activity, possibly tied with Brody's facials, wherein he uses his tongue to clean your face. I understand your objections.
You're still a great cuddler and we both enjoy our naps with you. You're holding yourself up so much better too. You are remarkably flexible, no nipple confusion for you. Bottle, boob it's all the same to you- I appreciate your easy going nature. You seem to be an extrovert, you're much happier on days we get out of the house and allow people to marvel at your handsomeness. This might mean you're a narcissist but we can deal with that later. Remember, we'll pay for college OR therapy, the choice is yours. You're outgrowing your cradle which pains me terribly for two reasons, and in two different places. I can move you to your crib, which would hurt my heart and eventually my back because I'll wind up sleeping on the floor next to you OR I can move the pack and play (really it's the Graco Elite Travel Crib) upstairs to our room and lose my downstairs diapering station. That strategic option would hurt my thighs and glutes as I would have to carry you upstairs every time you needed a change. (WHY did I insist on a two story house? Jeez) Hmm... (Shut up, I can hear every one of you blog readers thinking about how beneficial that move might be for the aforementioned body parts. I get it.) Back to Ben:
You are losing your hair, it is funny. It's very male patterned and it makes you look like your great-grandfather. Who we all love, so it's very endearing.
You are so much fun, it's so fun to see you explore the world around you. You reached up and touched my face for the first time last week, and your expression was priceless: "WHOA, you're real!"
I'm sorry you had to have shots today. Your cries made me feel like I was being stabbed. In the heart. But you simmered down as soon as I could face you towards me. I'm still terribly flattered that you like me so much. The feeling is mutual. You're sleeping 8 hours a night, and we all love that. Did I mention you're very adorable? Your eyes are changing color, they're still bluish on the outsides, but appear to be green in the middle. We'll see. Your eyelashes are spectacular. OK it's very late. So we're off to bed. You and me.Here are your month 2 stats (ok so some of you may recognize this feature and think I'm ripping off Littlemanchase, well yes I am, Christina is brilliant and I want to be her- so there):
Weight: 11.2 lbs
Length: 23 inches
Head Circumference: 41 cm. (I'm sorry, you get that big head from me, it's not figurative, we have BIG heads)

This animal band is great!

Nudie booty

This was a bold move on your dad's part, you rewarded him with dryness.

Look I can hold this big head up on my own!

Milk mustaches are so passe, this season's look is the milk soul patch.

So big!

Whew! That bath was rough!

Off to church on your 2 month birthday! (Or the seventeenth Sunday after Pentecost- you can assign the importance as you choose.)