"I'm pretty sure he could"

He's nine months old.
He can't walk.
He can't talk.
He can't sing.
He can't act.
And he can't dance.

But when I just said to Kris, "I'm pretty sure he could be the next Zac Efron," he says, "I'm pretty sure he could!"

Wow, that's a lot of confidence. But we have reason. Oh, believe me, we have reason.
Ben attended his first pageant yesterday. And kicked ass.
Judge away, we're not worried about your condemnation- we have a TROPHY.

So it was a double pageant, the first pageant was a scouting pageant and the second was a pageant pageant. We entered the first one. It was judged by two agents and the baby just had to wear a white tshirt and jeans. No stage, you just place him on the table and let him flirt away.

And he did. He was amazing, they loved him, the pageant photographer went crazy. There are many many many details about the pageant that I can't get into now BUT I will when I have more energy.

The results.
Well, Ben was the only baby in his 0-18 month boy category. So he won a small trophy and was named Beautiful Faces of Georgia Future Star. Well you can imagine I was kind of pissed that there no other babies to beat like bitches. But whatever, a trophy is a trophy. WELL, after they handed out all the trophies, there were the overalls. You should know that the baby who is the Beautiful Faces Of Georgia Top Model for all boys 0-6 years old... is BEN!!! We were thrilled to hand over our smaller trophy for the bigger one!

So they went through all the crowning mess for the glitz pageant part. And then we were on to the real reason we were there. The scouting tickets. One agent had four to hand out and the other had two. The first number they called- #11, Ben!!! Wooo! Then it's time for the other agent, the first number, #11!! And the crowd gasps in horror. HORROR, like someone died on stage. There were only six slots for the WHOLE PAGEANT and Ben got two of them!!! Afterwards the photographer's mom was telling me that they never do that. That the only reason the two women were able to work so closely was because they don't poach clients, and during judging they're able to say, "You take him, I've got a similar one," or "I don't have a need for that look right now." BUT they both want him!!! One of them said to me, "I will sign him" (emphasis on I, not her) AND THEN the woman who ran the other pageant told me that if Ben wants to compete in the Fresh Faces of Georgia STATE pageant (the prissy pageant) she would cover his entry fee! (It was the prize in his age division if he had entered) We have been drunk on victory for nearly 24 hours.

Photo credit: Christina and her awesome cell phone camera.

(Oh and don't worry, it's not a scam, they had all these pamphlets and a big speech about how you never should have to pay for head shots, etc, etc, that they only make their money off of booking commisions.)

My little Aunt Po-knee knee

My sister is the only person in the world who will understand that, but it's 12:10 a.m. Monday morning and you should know that I have so much hair on my head that I swear it looks like I'm wearing a Jessica Simpson hair-do wiglet. How would I know exactly what that looks like? Well, nevermind. Fine, screw you Jessica Simpson I bought one of your head rats and damn you for not manufacturing a color that perfectly matches my weird black-brown shade. I will find Ken Paves and break his hands and then you will know my pain. WHAT? Oh my god I should go to bed- but I'm having an ocular migraine, which is actually not painful but impossible to sleep through, it's basically the dream sequence in The Big Lebowski every time I close my eyes. Anyway I wanted to wear it to Anna's wedding but when I put it on my hair was already long enough that it was just an amazing inhuman amount of hair. And looking back it would have really intereferred with my ability to throw my head back as I downed many many shots of vodka, it might have pulled me right over. Who knows, but I looked fine- right?

#1 the humidity pulled my hair up at least 2.5 inches. It's at least 5 inches longer plus the missing 2.

#2 I am not wearing a bow- it is a sassy sassy hat.... and you wish you could pull it off.

Back to my point - we have reached a new milestone. My hair has never been longer. Amazing, right? You totally care. Nevermind that your 401k is now a 203k, and $10 trillion dollars have been spent in 60 days and the Fed just created a trillion dollars out of thin air, in an exercise that has never been proven to work- this is the real news of the day. My pony tail is sitting high on the crown of my head and goes way past my shoulders and sometimes even flops over my shoulder. The ponytail length is my new standard of measurement. I used to be able to gauge my record breaking lengths using my chest but thanks to Ben and even our aborted attempt at breast feeding we've discovered this is no longer a reliable unit of measurement. (Too much info? You're reading a post about MY HAIR. You walked right into this one, no one to blame but yourself.) So what happens now? A. You stop visualizing me naked. B. Based on my track record I will cut it off. As soon as my hair looks good or is really long I cut it right off of my skull. Well not this time. Je refuse! I will not cut my hair, even if Ben uses it as reins and is shredding the front pieces. We'll work around the new Sopranos shagging look- I'll tuck it behind my ears because my hair is loooooong. Alright good night.

P.S. I am not on drugs.

I'm learning to use a sippy cup!

Next: solo cups. Just kidding.

Check out my new high chair!

And for those of you who know my mom check out the horrifying resemblance to her feet! We're like the Flintstones! Or hobbits!

This kids loves cages.

My kid is just looking to be incarcerated.

I turned my baby orange

That's why you haven't seen many new posts, we've been eating too many carrots, sweet potatoes and squash. Add in the circles under his eyes from his cold and he looks like he's wearing Charles Barkley's Phoenix Suns uniform. But here are some photos my lazy self hadn't gotten around to posting. Ben is so mobile now it's absurd, he's totally beginning to cruise, around the coffee table, up and down the length of his crib and even from the empty Heineken box by the garage door over to the dog cage. I'm terrified that he'll start walking, I can't have that yet. Also don't leave your centerpieces on the floor.

Sorry, mom.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

We're staying home, I don't think Ben is ready for the mania.
You might remember this from last year- but now it's time for the REMIX. (Gasp! I've always wanted to say that!) Enjoy- I mean it, and go back and watch the original- it's classic.