With a knockout punch, 57% of you thought we were having a baby boy- and you were right! We got the ultrasound on video so those of you with plenty of time on your hands will be able to check him out. Even better news - everything looks great- but because of his position they didn't get a good read on one of his kidneys and his heart, so we get ANOTHER ultrasound in a month! I can't wait. In the meantime, I need to start some retail preparation for Benjamin Philip!

Waiting..... just a little while longer!

So my appointment is in 34 minutes! After that we'll run over to the courthouse to file a homestead exemption and then I will peel back here and update you immedio!!!
In the meantime you can entertain yourself with some Baby Sissy update pics.

So sweet.



You got that right

Stretch!

Touchdown!

Milk coma

It appears Nala and Baby Sissy are having a disagreement

Nap time

Cold

It's freezing cold today and I'm getting a cold- boo. There will be no OTC relief for me sadly. Oh Tylenol Cold with cool burst I miss you.

The worst thing I have ever seen....

Well, among others. So I came home from the church Monday to find this adorable dog crate- covered in dog crap and vomit. I mean every single inch of it. The poor creature inside of it was absolutely covered- even the top of his head. It was like a nightmare. Apparently and obviously the dog had gotten very very sick in his crate during the day. So sick in fact that he managed to spary diarrhea on the garage door behind the cage. It was terrible. Needless to say he was hosed off, taken to the emergency vet and diagnosed with.... eating a hamburger. A now $182 hamburger. We went through several tests and they were negative and finally I asked; we had a cookout yesterday and it's entirely possible that my husband gave him a hamburger- could that done this??? I swear, I thought this vet would strangle me; she looked at me like "Lady I have two dogs hit by cars waiting to be fixed up and you waited until now to tell me this?" But since we live in Georgia, she swallowed that sentiment and instead said, "Yes, yes that absolutely could have done this. Here's the bill. Bye now" Also since we live in Georgia I had to go to the Emergency "everything is three times more expensive" vet at 5:45 at night because my vet closes at 6 p.m. and not only that, I had to drive 25 minutes to get there. I left a crazy message for Courtney to that effect, damning the Confederacy and being grateful the dog wasn't choking because apparently dogs in Savannah will probably die before you can make it to the "emergency" clinic. Why am I telling you all of this?? Don't fret, pets; there's good reason. Upon returning home Kris and I set out to clean this mess. He wheeled the cage into the yard, pulled out the bedding and pressure washed everything. By the time he was done there wasn't a stain left on the bedding. I washed everything twice and it all looks brand new. So for your toughest, most stubborn stains; remember, pressure wash.

Brody says: "Stop judging me"

Good as new!

Love is..

"What do you want for breakfast?" "Ummmm, I had this sandwich once...."

A Philadelphia pork roll inspired sandwich. Actually love is Kris making me this thing based only on my vague hungover recollection of having one in Philadelphia once. He subbed bacon for pork roll- but it was really just as good as the one I had once.

It's basically a buttered Hoagie roll

2 fried eggs (over hard)

Bacon

Cheese

(and for me copious amounts of Tobasco)

20 Weeks!!!!!!!

Cue Chariots of Fire music:
We're halfway there! Can you believe it! Really though, Kris and I keep debating on whether or not we're really halfway there in terms of being aware of being pregnant. Does that make sense??? We have only known about the pregnancy for 14 weeks, so the next 20 will seem exponentially longer. So do we calculate the halfway point for our own sanity to be at 23 weeks- so that the 17 weeks of knowing about the baby is equitably divided???? Or is that just absurd? I don't know.
But Hey! 20 weeks! It's only 140 days! I can do that! And yet, there's this:

"Your good-hair-day run ends with delivery — when the normal daily hair loss that's suppressed during pregnancy (thus the thicker hair) resumes with a vengeance. Once the baby is born, all that hair that didn't fall out during pregnancy will — making you wonder whether you'll need to reach for the Rogaine (don't worry, you won't)."

WHOA- WHAT?!!! Those of you who know me are well aware that I have been freaking out about my hair loss for over a year now: see pic below. We tried to chalk it up to acute traumatic hairloss- wherein a series of traumatic events like losing an election and moving 9 hours south will interupt your hair growth cycle for three months. WRONG- no changes.

My hair has gotten no thicker with pregnancy and in fact yesterday I was certain my scalp was getting sunburned on the way home from church. If I stopped shedding hair and what little I have is due to hoarding, I can in no way tolerate a further exodus of hair from my scalp, I might have to pack a wig in my hospital bag.
Also enjoy the family portrait for a few days longer because I need to take it down, as Lyda pointed out:"BTW- the family portrait is a riot considering you had half a load on by the time that picture was taken...." It's true, but I didn't know I was pregnant. Stop the judging....

19.75 Weeks

So pregnancy is weird. I have completely forgotten that I used to throw up or dry heave all day long, for no reason; I forgot that I couldn't eat certain foods or tolerate certain smells and was so tired I thought I would never sleep enough. Well just 2-3 weeks later I completely forgot that I used to get nosebleeds everyday and so when I got two this week, I freaked out. I then referred myself back to the Jimmy Leflar post and simmered down. I think this must be the only way people agree to do this again. Except you get a baby at the end of it (***more on this in a mo)
FINNALLY Snoogle! I have my snoogle- I love it. It's like a big hug all night long. I'm really beginning to get this belly thing, I tried to get off the couch like I normally would today and totally fell over. Kris thought it was hilarious. Sooo now I do the prenant lady scoot and lift.
And now for a random act of full disclosure: I have to tell you that I'm kind of freaking out about this baby thing. See I just don't think I'm that maternal, I come from a line of largely non-maternal women. Example- my grandmother once accidentally dropped ash from her Carlton 120 into my Uncle Mike's infant eye- WHILE SHE WAS BREASTFEEDING. So anyway, I've never been the type who would run over to the baby in the room and coo and offer to hold it. I'm the girl in the corner saying, "Let's go out and have a smoke before that thing starts screaming."
Hmmmm maybe someone should do a study on maternalism and nicotine.
Small exception to this rule, I thoroughly enjoyed holding Aubrey at Anna and Brian's wedding, however I was 4 days pregnant at the time. All previous evidence points to the contrary.
I cannot imagine entertaining an infant and a child for years. I'm desperately hoping for an early reader. Don't get me wrong I am not bad with all children, if you are between the ages of 8-12 you love me. And I love you. We are like the same people. But you little ones and I, we have not found a common peace yet. Now, not that I'm looking for it but I'm sure most of you will say; but you're so nice, you'll be great. WRONG, if a crack head breaks into your apartment and uses your stuff all weekend- I'll be at Target the next day to buy you new towels and razors; I will bake you sausage balls on your birthday; I'll drive three hours to cheer you up after a bad break up; but if you're a two year old on a playmat looking for a good time, I'm not your gal. Am I just the worst for being really nervous about this?????

VOTE or die

No no no, I'm not serious- it's just a Diddy Combes shout out.
More importantly- with only one week until we find out the sex of the baby, I want to know what you think! Will we be buying blue or pink? At prom time, will we be buying corsages or receiving them? Cleats or tap shoes?
Let us know- the poll is on the right side of the page!
** Update- something may not be right with the poll tabulator. It's not my fault. So if it won't record your vote, leave it in the comments, and I'll make a handy pie chart.

Ode to Costco

vs.

It was with immeasurable sadness and dread that I re-upped our Sam's club membership this week. I'm not an Anti-Walmite, I like my goods cheap and plentiful and the opportunity to buy Orange Juice and an I-pod; brie and motor oil satisfies deeply. HOWEVER, there is so much more out there, so much so geographically unavailable to me. I miss Costco terribly. The selection was more interesting, the fruit more appealing, the flowers more fresh, Kirkland brands just superior. It was all just better.
Now understand I say this knowing that my home Costco used to be the Pentagon City Costco, which passes for the 6th circle in Dante's Inferno so much so that we would practice the Zen of Costco in order to survive. The zen, as follows:
First, be prepared. Do you have The Card? What do we Need? Who has the list?
Next, consider the day and time. This is simply an exercise. There is no time that you can go to Costco when it will not be crowded. Accept this. Stage one of your journey is the parking lot. The people are not looking. Do not hit them. Drive very very slowly. First gear. Slow, deep breaths. This will prepare you for the deeper stages. Patience is key in finding a parking spot. And if you are willing to back up an entire row length at 2 mph, a spot near the door can be yours.
As you enter, do not be distracted by the flat screen tv's. Proceed with caution. Your cart cannot be steered forcefully. A light touch is needed. And be prepared to shift directions at a moment's notice. Practice cart ju jitsu. Feint. Pause. Look out for small women moving briskly. You do not need to be in their hurried way.
Items will not be where you expect them. One brand of toilet paper will not be sitting near the others. But allow your eyes to be open, for you will discover unexpected delights, such as a 10-cup fuzzy logic rice cooker for $89.99.
Be flexible, and let go of your expectations. Knowing that the 64-oz. Johnnie Walker Black Label won't fit (or look respectable, for that matter) in our liquor cabinet, choose the 750 of Glenlivet 12. Choose a few wines that you've never had before, trusting in the wisdom of the Costco wine buyer, who purchases more wine than anyone in America.

Relax into your poses, and do not allow the needs of others to influence you. Do not line up for the schmear of canned chicken salad on white bread that is being passed out.Hungerneeds can be met later- by the $1.50 hot dog and drink.

Allow self to enjoy the beauty of the flowers. They are temporary.

Pick a checkout line. It doesn't matter which one. This is an opportunity to practice patience. Be friendly to the cashier. Allow the noises and shapes to soften. It is peaceful.

Do not forget to validate parking.

Next, allow your body and brain to come back slowly to the real world as you face the geometry problem of loading up a Volkswagen convertible with all your purchases. Will the toilet paper fit on the floor of the front seat? Spatial awareness is important. This exercise will prepare you for re-entry. Reflect on your experience as you slowly exit the parking lot, you will. Sense the abundance and rejoice.

And yes after all of that, I cry for Costco.

I am Gladys Kravitz

That's it! For the 2nd time in 3 weeks untold numbers of sirens have blared past our subdivision and I have no idea what's going on! The last time this happened a dang sugar plant blew up 6 miles from my house and I had no idea. I'm out of the loop because I gave up TV for Lent and will have to wait for Joan to tell me what happened in the morning. This will not stand- I MUST have a police scanner If I'm to sleep peacefully once this baby comes I will need to soothe whatever maternal instincts I have (more on that later) with the sweet cacophony of raw, unfiltered information. Are scanners illegal? Does anyone know? Also if you didn't know Gladys Kravitz was the nosy neighbor on Bewitched who just knew something was not right in the Stephens household. My mother dubbed my sister Michelle, "Gladys" for her uncanny ability to pick up gossip from my mother's friends.

Happy Birthday Lyda!!!

OR Happy Most Important Day EVER!

Here's to you Lovey, you who are just a tad bit too old to mention you're actual age, but certainly you are not old; you who are so clever as to come up with the Cougars, our husbands agree that you have the best legs, you are fun and funny, a great dresser, a better decorator, you are euro-cool and know the best restaurants and you are a tremendous friend as evidenced by the fact that you have been in at least four weddings a year for the last 8 years. So crack open a bottle of red wine, eat some cheese and know that we all love you.

UPDATED-- A dog, a mini paint roller, a man and a possible coronary

I uploaded with the video with Blogger and the pixelation problems are gone but filming style remains Blair Witch Project but this is what goes on around here. The funny thing is that while he is filming this I was talking to my sister saying I wish I knew where the video camera was bc Kris kept running past the windows and if you didn't know there was a dog you'd think he were crazy

Whoa

I just ate a pound of cubed cantaloupe. I didn't mean to but it tasted like summer.
So the shopping trip went surprisingly well- I was expecting high drama, but it was great. AND then I found out Old Navy was having a big sale on maternity clothes, I bought a ton of stuff and I bought three pairs of gaucho pants! I know how some of you feel about gauchos but I'm looking forward to living the gaucho lifestyle this summer.
Now that I'm wearing maternity tops I actually look pregnant and people treat me like I am- I was at the Kroger and one man asked me if I was ok- I was, and another lifted the cat litter into my cart and another woman helped me find the maple syrup. It was crazy! Also I am not allowed to go grocery shopping alone, it took me an hour and a half when I could have burned through it in 35 minutes in the old days. AND I forgot the Diet Barq's.

Ooohoohohh! We went to Leopold's for ice cream today- it's this absolutely adorable old fashioned ice cream shop that makes their own ice cream right in the store and I'm telling you- it's phenomenal. On par with the creamery. It's so adorable inside it's like you walked into 1935, it's not cutesy it's just authentic. The owner is also a movie producer and it feels like he had a set designer configure the place- I just love it.

Meet Maureen!

You may notice that I have a new link on the right side of the blog! I'll just have a Diet Coke is my name for Maureen's new blogular exercise! Wait- Maureen just how many calories does blogging burn?I know you'll enjoy reading her, not only is she pretty on the outside but lovely on the inside. Maureen is the type of friend who knows that you're about to stress eat from the bag of salt water taffy hidden in your desk 30 seconds before you know it and without looking away from her computer will tell you to "Leave it!" AND she's like one of the 50 most beautiful people on Capitol Hill, no seriously, she is. (If The Hill's website was working I'd link to the article- but you'll have to take my word on it for now) Or just go check out her blog.

Oyster Roast

This post definetely requires pictures because it was our first- not to be our last. deets to follow.

Brody - 6 weeks laterwqwsew

He finished typing that title by standing on the laptop. Unauthorized. So I need to upload more pictures of him but I should warn you he's looking a bit rough lately. He's got a case of the demodex. Apparently it happens to pups who get a rough start and have compromised immune systems. The mites aren't contagious to people, cats or even other dogs, just weak puppies according to Dr. Howes. He looks a mess. But he's getting better. He is robustly healthy, at least compared to Brady. Kris and I keep reminding ourselves that this dog can actually hear. Brody is learing some very nice tricks, he can sit and stay and come. He is best at that he races across the yard or from upstairs if you say it. Areas that need improvement: biting- he is teething; chewing on shoes, socks, anything within his reach; walking on a leash; waking up at 3 am to go outside. Teething will get better and his bladder will grow so we have high hopes for this dog. Other good things- he doesn't shred his toys, he shakes them and chews on them but doesn't pull them apart. He will sit by his bowl and will (sometimes) not eat his food until you give him permission. He listens very well- if he's doing somethign he shouldn't and you say his name he'll stop and sit. Smart. We also believe he's a Patterdale Terrier, he is identical. Pics below.

Begging

Kris and Brody on the couch

Cute

Making a mess, as per usual

Scratch That-

Umm ignore the post below, it is apparently a pack of lies. My Southern surrogate mother-who is actually from Pennsylvania and a Penn Stater- informed me in the nicest possible way today, that ummm, maternity clothes might be nearer on the horizon than I expected. Of course this was done with such considerable grace and charm that no one would believe she wasn't born in our fair city, except for the gnats- they can spot a Yankee anywhere. And scratch that, make it the Mason Dixon Line. If she had been born here the suggestion would have been followed by some true Savannah hyperbole, about something. So we have a shopping date on Saturday. I'm planning on making this as painless as possible, we came up with a list of what I need and it's going to be like SuperMarket Sweep. I also convinced her that we need to go to Two Women and a Warehouse to look at furniture afterward. That usually cheers me up, sideboards are one size fits all.
Back to the gnats- we went to a Low Country Boil Saturday night and boy was it something. First, it was on a private island, second the dock is probably bigger than the lower half of my house. here's the google earth image of the DOCK third the wooden bowls were about as tall as I am and could have been used as a sled up north. The marsh was gorgeous and the moon was the thinnest sliver you could imagine- meaning you could see more stars than even in Minnesota. For those of you who don't know, the menu of a Low Country Boil consists of the following:
Shrimp
Sausage
Potatoes
Corn
all boiled in Old Bay.
Perfect evening right? Not if you were born up north and the gnats smell that thick blood. Luckily I was wearing capris and a sweater but my poor feet in their flip flops were absolutely mauled. And apparently in this pregnancy I'm having a histamine situation, just touching my feet slightly will cause a red histy rash to spread. It was so bad two nights ago I could get no relief, and there were no anti-bite or itch creams available in our house. WARNING- the following may disturb some menfolk- In a fit of desperation I literally ripped a Monistat 3 box in half and used the anti itch cream on my feet. It worked. That is all that matters.

18 weeks

So even though my clothes still fit- WHAT? They do and I haven't gained any more weight, interesting changes are afoot. The last two weeks I've realized that there are times when I can't bend at the waist any longer! Weird, I know. I have to bend my knees and lean to the side to pick up the shampoo bottle, etc.
And look up top! The baby in the ticker looks more like a baby than ever! I've been anxiously awaiting that move to the middle square!

Baby Sissy and Entourage

Sissy and Baby Sissy

Cletus (Clay) and Baby Sissy- looking well rested, well one of them at least.

Grandma and Baby Sissy!

Baby Sissy has arrived!

In some corner of a hospital somewhere, weighing in at 6 lbs. 15 oz and 20 inches in length, and with all the street fighting skills of her mother, is Baby Sissy! She is born! I have no idea what time, but Clay called at 3:45 to let me know both Sissy and Baby Sissy are doing well. Baby Sissy was even breast feeding! Fast learner. Just like Aunt Sissy. I am anxiously awaiting pictures. Will post immedio upon receipt!

UPDATE-- Baby Sissy on the way!

**So I just couldn't stand the suspense anymore- it was 2:30 my time- and so I finally called Sissy- even though I was under strict orders to wait for their call. Clay picked up and in this rushed voice said all in one breath: "Hey Steph, she's 10 centimeters, she's in a lot of pain, we're waiting for the Dr. Bye"
WHOA- WHAT? In pain? Where is the epidural? It was working so well this morning we were talking about Regis and Kelly through her contractions! When do these things wear off? Can't they re-dose you? They better re-dose me, I'm a big girl, I can take it. Poor Sissy! The upside is that there will be a baby at the end of all this- let's just hope it comes soon!

My sister is in labor! She started having contractions yesterday- she called me this morning at 7:30 from the hospital, she had left for the hospital at 1:45 and she was dialated to 4-5 centimeters and had just had her epidural. So if things proceed normally that baby should be here within the next hour or two!!!
Yesterday we were talking about how Britney was having her stay in the psych ward extended 14 days, and I was like, "Can you believe that you will go into labor, have a baby and be back home with that baby before Britney gets out of the hospital again?" It's crazy how fast your life can change!

So for what it's worth, the temperature at 4:43 is 77 degrees and the humidity is a comfortable 55%. Oh and it's February 4th.
When I was home for the shower everyone kept asking if/when we were moving back. The answer was quite simply "Never, it's 14 degrees outside." I would love to live in my hometown, and be near all of my family and our friends but unless the earth rotates on its axis I just can't see it happening. They should properly wise up and move on down here!

Productive! Useful!

ME! I just realized today how little of anything I'd actually done in my first trimester. I laid on the couch for 2.5 months. That is all. In just one day (today) I am certain I did more than in that entire time. For example:
4 loads of laundry
2 loads of dishes (big pots in the second)
Cleaned house
replaced air freshners
cleaned all kitchen surfaces
re-filled salt shaker
made dinner- pulled pork in slow cooker
cut Kris' hair
took dog and cat to vet
hot glued barrettes to ribbons I made in October
cleaned my car
put together packages I need to mail/ take to the UPS store.

Weird Road Kill

So down here in Georgia I've seen dead things along the side of the road I never imagined I'd see: armadillos, dogs (sad) and a dang cougar.

Cougar (alright it might be a giant bobcat)

I also have the really obnoxious habit of peering to see what's on the side of the road only to recoil screaming, dry-heaving and sometimes crying. This brings us to today- (I fear this story may have too much of a buildup but I just can't get it out of my head.)

On the side of I-16 were two of the double packages of Thomases English Muffins. Just laying there. And I can't get it out of my head. How did they get there? At first, I thought maybe someone meant to put the bread in last and left in on top of their car- like a coffee mug. But if you're buying 24 english muffins you probably have a lot of people in your house. If you have a lot of people in your house you have to have a car that can accomodate the people who will eat 24 english muffins before you return to the store. So you're probably driving a minivan or an SUV. Well if you are, then you have a big hatch in the back of your car and it's practically impossible to put the english muffins on the roof of your car if the hatch is open.

So what are the other options? Was someone driving down the road, going through their grocery bags; "Eh, why did I buy these? I don't need that many." Toss out window. Who would do that?

This is puzzling. AND I won't even pass that way again until Sunday and by then I won't be able to get any further forensics- trajectory, skid marks- because I'm sure the turkey vultures will have contaminated the scene.

16.5 Weeks

So I had my 16 week check up today! Kris came with me because he hadn't heard the heartbeat yet and doesn't really have to do work on Fridays. Everything is normal, weight is stable, bp was 110 over 70, no sugar drama in the urine. AND we heard the heartbeat and lots of kicks!
I had begun to freak myself out this last week- I'm at the weird stage where I'm no longer sick, and feel better than I have in years- but I can't feel the baby yet so I keep wondering if I'm still prgenant. Well it was a great relief to find I am still pregnant!
Last night (right before LOST) I began to think I was feeling little flutters and then I felt them again during the night- so here's hoping that keeps up!
Biggest news of all- I'm having my next ultrasound on Feb. 29 and we'll find out which kind of little Lynchie we're having!