So pregnancy is weird. I have completely forgotten that I used to throw up or dry heave all day long, for no reason; I forgot that I couldn't eat certain foods or tolerate certain smells and was so tired I thought I would never sleep enough. Well just 2-3 weeks later I completely forgot that I used to get nosebleeds everyday and so when I got two this week, I freaked out. I then referred myself back to the Jimmy Leflar post and simmered down. I think this must be the only way people agree to do this again. Except you get a baby at the end of it (***more on this in a mo)
FINNALLY Snoogle! I have my snoogle- I love it. It's like a big hug all night long. I'm really beginning to get this belly thing, I tried to get off the couch like I normally would today and totally fell over. Kris thought it was hilarious. Sooo now I do the prenant lady scoot and lift.
And now for a random act of full disclosure: I have to tell you that I'm kind of freaking out about this baby thing. See I just don't think I'm that maternal, I come from a line of largely non-maternal women. Example- my grandmother once accidentally dropped ash from her Carlton 120 into my Uncle Mike's infant eye- WHILE SHE WAS BREASTFEEDING. So anyway, I've never been the type who would run over to the baby in the room and coo and offer to hold it. I'm the girl in the corner saying, "Let's go out and have a smoke before that thing starts screaming."
Hmmmm maybe someone should do a study on maternalism and nicotine.
Small exception to this rule, I thoroughly enjoyed holding Aubrey at Anna and Brian's wedding, however I was 4 days pregnant at the time. All previous evidence points to the contrary.
I cannot imagine entertaining an infant and a child for years. I'm desperately hoping for an early reader. Don't get me wrong I am not bad with all children, if you are between the ages of 8-12 you love me. And I love you. We are like the same people. But you little ones and I, we have not found a common peace yet. Now, not that I'm looking for it but I'm sure most of you will say; but you're so nice, you'll be great. WRONG, if a crack head breaks into your apartment and uses your stuff all weekend- I'll be at Target the next day to buy you new towels and razors; I will bake you sausage balls on your birthday; I'll drive three hours to cheer you up after a bad break up; but if you're a two year old on a playmat looking for a good time, I'm not your gal. Am I just the worst for being really nervous about this?????
2 comments:
Steph, I think everyone spends their pregnancy with many doubts about what kind of mother they are going to be (at least I did). I know for me there was such a huge difference between wanting to hold/play with a baby that you have no relation to and one that is your own. Don't underestimate the power of that maternal instinct when it kicks in (sometime after the haze of labor wears off). Of course there are still times when I think I will go crazy trying to entertain someone with a 5-10 minute attention span all day long! But overall I am sure you will amaze yourself with how great of a mom you are. Don't beat yourself up about the doubts though...I think that is part of the natural process of preparing to be a mommy.
becky
P.S. I am glad you enjoyed Aubrey at the wedding and she didn't scare you away from ever wanting to be a mom, haha!
Stephanie, I was the same way, believe me! I would babysit and think "Wow, I am so bored playing with this kid. What am I going to do when I have my own?" Even when I was pregnant, I was watching my friend's little girl and I was just incredible bored. But when it's your own baby, it's different. You really like playing with them and entertaining them and watching them react to you. It's a completely different ballgame. And yeah, you do still want breaks and to have some time off, but that's what daddies are for (and I'm sure my mom will be around to help as well)! You'll be great, don't worry.
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