When Kelli marries a proper southern gentleman..*Updated.

So this post which causes me creat joy to publish, has also been the source of a good deal of consternation. There's a high expectation of comedic genius on the part of the main subject, believe me she's out there waiting, simmering, occasionally shrieking, "Dance, groundhog!" What? Umm anyway, I realized that what I'm writing about is not the Real Housewives of the Great Pacific Northwest and I'm not Richard Lawson. So while it's important to be funny, believe me, I know, it's of even greater importance to ensure that the funny doesn't overshadow what was an incredibly romantic wedding, classy beyond compare and breathtakingly elegant. Oh and did I mention a whole hot mess of fun?

Remember when I posted that fairly pathetic post about needing some invites to a wedding? Well, let me clarify the conditions for my future attendance to all nuptuals: I need to be invited to the rehearsal dinner. Mandatory. I just love the rehearsal dinner. Kelli and Brett's was held at Pier 51 and it was amazing. Time out, I put a lot of effort into that earlier version and it's so hard to deviate now, I must return to it, but know that it's out of love.


When Kelli marries a proper southern gentleman the rehearsal dinner will be filled with laughter and charming stories of the groom and boasts from all corners about the beauty of the bride (and her deceptive athleticism) and gentle ribbing of his unworthiness of her. Benjamin will behave like a perfect baby sitting in his high chair, absolutely quietly for 5.5 hours, because he loves Kelli and is also taken by her beauty.


When Kelli marries a proper southern gentleman the only approved activity for fellow gentleman is, of course, a University of Washington Huskies game. (Kris is still disappointed he missed it)

When Kelli marries a proper souther gentleman there will be many emails sent back and forth on the topic of paper products, among the best: "I know that you are a card/paper/stationary weirdo and so I am turning to you here -- Where in the greater D.C. metro area did you get your paper fix?" and "We orderded them a couple weeks ago and I just got the call that they have arrived at the Alexandria Paper Source!!! ( my recommendation) Now, I am writing this today to warn you in advance that I did not get letterpress (that's where the writing is indented in the page, right?) I am pretty certain that this will go unnoticed by 97% of the people in my life, but that you will see what I have done and a small (or large?) slice of your respect for me will just die. You will probably throw the Save the Date in the trash, maybe have Ben spit up on it a little. I am just writing this little note to warn you in advance, so that when you open the envelope you don't barf."

When Kelli marries a proper southern gentleman the invitations, save the dates, programs, and place cards will be utterly magnificent. I am a paper weirdo, this is acknowleged. But they were gorgeous, so thick I could have used the invite as a trivet and so sharply cut I probably could have shaved my legs with them. (Gross?) They.were.just.perfect. When I saw the place cards I shook my fist towards the sky, asking "Why?!" I wished they were mine.


Because we were busy having so much fun I took like 4 pictures, so I bootlegged some from Kelli's professional ones.


When Kelli marries a proper southern gentleman, I will set about finding a new party dress, but will neglect the fact that I probably needed a mystic.


When Kelli marries a proper southern gentleman The Hon. Norm Dicks (D-WA) will spin her around the dance floor.

When Kelli marries a proper southern gentleman we'll get to have great fun with Ross and Sarah Kyle. Aren't the adorable?!

When Kelli marries a proper southern gentleman you will remember that this is Kelli when you first meet her:


And this is Kelli once you get to know her:

When Kelli marries a proper southern gentleman the flowers will be nothing short of spectacular. I have actually had dreams about flowers like this.

Kelli, Megan and Tracy

When Kelli marries a proper southern gentleman she will concoct the secrt elixir of youth and beauty, recipe patent pending, *side effects include typing like you're Kanye West.

When Kelli marries a proper southern gentleman she will be drop dead gorgeous.

When Kelli marries a proper southern gentleman she will get a mention in The Politico.
When Kelli marries a proper southern gentleman they will live happily ever after.

*And because the bride brought it up herself I can include: When Kelli marries a proper southern gentleman, there will be an un speakable accident involving red wine and french silk satin. This proper Kentucky gentleman will charmingly say mid-toast to his parents: "Now y'all I have spilled red wine down the back of Kelli's dress and if you would be so kind as to not notice I know I would be grateful." We paid no mind to that little spot and went right on getting down.